The N00b Baller: Smash 14

And the Awards Go To:

I told y'all that last weekend was going to spawn a whole series of posts... Hope you're prepared because there's a lot to get through over the next week or so.

I'm writing this post to pay homage to a couple of ballers who I witnessed running the field like they owned it. These guys (and girls) held their own, kept their squads in the fight and -when necessary- were willing to lay it all on the line to push the enemy back even through walls of enemy paint. It takes a certain something to lead others in battle, and don't get me wrong that's precisely what it is out there. It's a battle and to be able to get others to follow you and carry out your orders is a very special skill. It's because of his leadership that my first award goes to:

Smash:

Bringing home the briefcase.

Our general for the weekend, and my official 'ballin brother for life, Smash rallied our team and turned us into a paintballin' meat grinder at times. He worked the XOs to make sure that everyone knew what the objectives were, employed runners to get the messages out to the front lines when his NCOs were unavailable and kept all of our spirits up with pep talks and even came up with little personal missions carried out by splinter cell-like squads.

Smash was by no means a 'lead from the back' kind of commander though, as he frequently pushed up with our troops, forcing the enemy back with some serious cohones and firepower (buddy was packin' pods like they were goin' out of style). We had to keep begging him to back up as it was extra points for killing a general but there's just nothing you can do about it when Smash gets his head into the gunfighting zone.

If it wasn't for this smashing young gun... Pun DEFINITELY intended, I'd probably still be wandering around aimlessly, getting lit up at every turn. He made sure that I was given a task, and that I had someone to tag along with so I'd never be far from support. For his first time as a general, I could've sworn that Smash had a little Patton in him.

I like to say that "if the only balls you have are in your hopper, you're gonna have a bad time", and it's supposed to apply to pods and extra ammo but Smash has the stones to back up his 'ballin.

Valkyrie:

This next baller takes home the gold medal for persistence, attitude and commitment to the cause.

Valkyries are mythological figures also known as the choosers of the slain. In this case, our Valkyrie was more of an angel of mercy who fearlessly ran across the front lines to keep our shooters in the fight.

When most people think of a medic they may come up with this image of a person who spends their time behind cover, hiding from enemy fire but not our Valkyrie! No sirree-Bob she could be found wherever the firefights were hottest and even taking a First Strike sniper round to the throat couldn't deter her from her medic's duties.

In addition to the typical wiping of war wounds, Valkyrie mentored a little guy that we came to affectionately call "Mini-Medic" or "Peanut". When things got really bad she kept him out of the worst of it, even though he was all-too-eager to be where the most paint was. More than once Valkyrie had to clean up my sorry, painted self after digging myself too deep into a shithole bunker and I count myself as damned lucky to have had her backing me up.

For anyone interested (that meaning anyone sporting a Y chromosome), Valkyrie has volunteered to be a victim of the dunk tank this summer out at PRZ for Operation Die Glocke which'll be going down August 10th and 11th. It'll be 2$ per attempt at dunking this lovely lady so if you think you've got the arm for it, ante-up and drop her down!

Juggernaut:

He's the Juggernaut biatch!

A Jack of all trades if there ever was one, Juggernaut spent his time with the 'Murican team as one of the most badass engineers ever to grace the grounds at PRZ. Mission after mission, as each new objective came down from the organizers Jugger'd be right out there, spearheading the effort. It didn't matter if it was a retrieval, assault or defence mission, Juggernaut just went to work ploughing through the Deimos forces.

I spent a couple of minutes pinned down inside a busted-up GMC Suburban when we tried to push out of the village to take the fallout zone during which he spent the entire time returning fire through partially rolled down windows and calling out targets for me as I leaned up into the driver's seat to unload on nearby bunkers. You tend to develop a certain appreciation for someone who you conduct 'drive bys' with from a STATIONARY vehicle haha.

Juggernaut was another one of the 'Murican officers who helped me develop as quickly as I did. As a reference, here's a little visual aide that might explain my mentality before/after the influence of all my commanding officers.

Left: Before (Photo Credit to Unshakeable Media)
Right: After (Photo Credit to Darlene St. Georges)

Yeah, the left side is from Saturday's battle with me looking hopeless and pinned down behind a tire/pallet bunker. I've got some obviously sloppy grip discipline, looking backwards and away from the fight, and I'm just generally in a bad spot. I spent probably 8 minutes pinned down in that same spot while guys made rushes right past me before I drummed up the courage to move. The left side of the photo comes from Sunday's final battle. I'm in the urban camo pants and black long-sleeve T, checking in with my squad as to where the enemy had guys bunkered down and organizing a suppress and advance move. I never would have had the confidence to start making calls on the field if I hadn't received the support from my team's leadership on Saturday and during the first half of Sunday.

Last, Littlest but DEFINITELY not Least:

Some people might know him as Wyatt, but to me and the squad this little dude was known by his Valkyrie-designated callsign; "Peanut".

Wyatt accepting his "Team MVP
award from General Smash

There was no doubt when it came time to ask, "who was your most valuable player?" We spent Sunday with half the medics of our opponents and one of them refused to run into anything except a clear field to help our troops... If that. Wyatt was a completely different story altogether.

When we started asking around the Command Post looking for volunteers for medic duty, Wyatt wasted no time at all throwing his marker into the ring. To be honest, no one really knew that much about him and I'd only just found out that although he's only 13, Wyatt's been balling for 3 years and when our squad ran into its first major firefight I discovered that 'Peanut' could sling paint with the best of them... And yeah, I'll admit, he was WAY beyond my skill set. He'd dash into rooms we'd yet to clear, always looking for a paintstorm. When I got pinned down by a bunch of snipers in front of the 3-story building he ran up to my aid, sharing the minimal cover of three oil drums just to make sure that I had a medic with me and that the enemy would have more than just me to shoot at.

The best way that I can think of to describe 'Peanut' would be a fearless, hyper-agile competitor because no matter how bad a situation seemed, he'd be the first guy to push the advance using his small stature and ridiculous speed to get around obstacles and across fields of fire without so much as incidental splatter much less any actual hits.

Well done Peanut, you earned that award and then some!

After the Applause:

Those were the 'Fantastic Four' of my 'balling experience. I don't mean to downplay the importance of any other team members, it's just that I spent the most time around these guys, got to know their playing styles and saw what they were really capable of. I suppose another award for "Craziest Baller in Attendance" should be given out to Dylan "Joe Dirt" Swann but that's a topic for another post... Maybe another Asylum Assassins-based release??? You never know.

That's all I have for the moment my fellow ballers. As always, keep your finger(s) on the trigger(s) and...

Keep calm and throw paint!

Joshua J. Taylor - The 'N00b' Baller

The Fight for Asylum:

I hope everyone else's weekend went as well as mine.

I managed to conquer nature, my own fears and (with the help of another 264 people) the entire red team no matter what the score sheet said.

As you'll probably know, my first paintball adventure EVER went down this weekend and I have to say that I've never had a better rush in my life. Stalking through hallways, running and gunning out on the roads, diving to cover in massive firefights between 80+ people at a time... It was the most exhilarating experience I could possibly imagine.

Welcome to Paintball:

Let me be your guide.

'Smash', myself, Juggernaut and Valkyrie (front row).

This is by-far the most intense sport that I have ever experienced and if anyone wants to debate the status of paintball as a sport I'm down for that duel and so are 559 of my closest friends and acquaintances.

Athleticism, awareness, accuracy and aggression should be the four A's of paintball. If you can nail down those four things it's no surprise to find yourself waist-deep in a flood of paint without batting an eyelash at incoming fire...

Okay, so maybe I'm not exactly Rambo or John McClane but I'll be damned if I didn't feel like it as I ran out into the no-man's-land-like regions of the warzone as the battle rotated around the buildings. It really was something to behold (if only I could've watched from the rooftops) as the battle moved back and forth over the front and back fields, pivoting around the 3-story apartment at one end and the 2-story offices at the other. It should also be mentioned that a fatal funnel of frenzied paintball firing known locally as 'the hallway of death' also played a large part in controlling the central warehouse which seemed to give any team possessing it an unwarranted confidence... Seriously, if you botched the outdoor fight it just meant you were pinned down in the centre, waiting to get blitzed.

Bring in the N00b!

Yeah, I became the "chosen plug" every now and then, but I more often chose myself for the job than anything else.

'Joe Dirt' and I (camo pants) getting seriously
stitched while making a suicide flag run.

There's a certain honour in putting it all out there for the sake of your team, even if that means you get a few welts along the way. If you ask me, each welt should tell a story, and if you've got too many welts to remember every story well... You might have looked like me out on the field because I couldn't get back to the front lines fast enough. Once you start slinging paint it's hard to stop readers, I can promise you that much.

I was running (as you'll most definitely know by now) a Tippmann A5, JT Proshield mask, BT 4+1 pod pack full-up with four pods and and 3000psi HPA tank. No E-triggers, no fancy sights, just the basics people. To be honest? It did the job admirably. When I needed to lay down covering fire it was easy to just snap my middle finger back and rattle off balls. When I needed to place rounds on target at range it worked equally well. Could I have used a sight? Maybe, but only if I'd known the range I'd be engaging at the most. All-in-all the A5 worked every bit as hard as I did and not ONCE did I chop a ball. I did get a couple balls stuck in the barrel when the temperature dropped so to all you n00bs out there just remember account for cold-weather shrinkage okay? ;) It happens to the best of us guys and the only thing you can do is work with what you've got... A larger-bore barrel doesn't hurt much either though you stand a chance of losing a little accuracy. In all honesty though, with the whole barrel thing, a slightly larger bore isn't going to mess with you before the 18-20 yard range and at that point you're 'hailmarying' your shots anyway.

Earning my Stripes:

Oddly enough they resemble welts... Who knew?

These are my worst/best from the weekend.
Took 3 days of balling to get it this bad so don't
be afraid to hit a field for just a day or two.

Yeah it comes with the territory, welts, bruises, cuts and scrapes. If you're gonna go HAM (hard as a mofo) you're gonna need the odd bit of Advil, Rub A535 and Polysporin. These are all essential parts of a paintball kit as you KNOW you've had a good day when you finally sit down and your mind is overcome with thoughts of "Where the HELL is my muscle cream!?!". It helps to keep your legs moving at ALL times (if you sit down to eat, or stand around reloading in the pits just shift your weight side to side or bounce your knees up and down) so that your muscles don't cramp up. Force the oxygen to them by keeping them at work to some extent and you'll reduce muscle fatigue.

As far as welts and bruises go, that shit's got its own timeline. It'll heal differently depending on your body but a little cold compress (ice pack, cold water-dampened facecloth) will do wonders on the swelling. Maybe you'll be 'lucky' like me and get your hands lit up while popping out of cover for which I recommend getting a pair of half-finger armoured gloves to keep your digits happy. Balls tend to bounce a lot on the weird angles created by your hands and wrists and any baller will tell you that a bounce almost ALWAYS hurts more than a clean break.

I got smoked by this ninja-esque baller after battling hard for a foothold in the 2-story building. He slid into the room across a hallway covered by three guys, poked the first three in the room, shot me (the welt just under my gold chain), shot the guy next to me in the chest and then slapped the last man in the room on the back of the head. I just had to shake his hand before I started on my way back to the respawn point because it was just insane how quickly he pulled that off.

My back got stitched (nailed with a line of balls) on my suicide flag run. There are three distinct welts in the top left picture (two at the shoulder and one on the spine) from that little display of insanity. I also too two more on the bicep and one more on the ass after I hit the ground.

Does any of this discourage my from balling? HELL NO! I know it's a little intimidating for some people when they see the marks but honestly? They're just badges of honour. Each welt tells a very distinct story about your day and you should be proud of them. I'm not saying spend ALL your time running into a firefight but if you're considering it just remember that while pain's only temporary, bragging rights and glory last forever!

Best Blasting / Pick of the Paint:

Alright, with each paintball trip I make there's going to a "Best Blasting" and "Pick of the Paint" segment. This is where I detail my personal favourite shot and my most notable 'knackering' (when I get my ass lit-up with paint).

A Close One:

It was really hard for me to pick between two deaths but I've managed to decide on the winner. I had the unenviable task of choosing between a display of "ballziness" and an absolute shock-trooper domination...

And the award goes to *drum roll*

The Ninja Nailer. This guy flew into a room held by 6 people and with one smooth move eleiminated everyone putting a shot square at the base of my neck and into the sternum of the guy to my right... It only took him two shots. I was going to choose my suicide run but that was more about just doing something ridiculous, the people who shot me out had a turkey shoot going on. This damned ninja (whose name I never got unfortunately) showed some serious courage, composure and skill with his sliding breach and clear. Six kills in four seconds? Not too shabby pal, not too shabby at all.

Bushed

I made my best moves of the weekend on Sunday after I got into my rhythm on Saturday's dominating game. Again the decision comes down to a duel between two equally epic events but I've still managed to pick a winner.

1. My spawn. 2. My berm.
3. Concealed shooter. 4. Enemy spawn

As a runner-up we have my second 'bunkering' of the day where, after calling for some blistering cover fire from me bunker mates, I made a dash down a narrow fire-funnel of a hallway and got up against a house-style bunker. The bugger inside had been blasting the ammo dump (the bunker I'd just run from) along with a couple of his squadmates but we'd managed to pick them off. The general had called for us to push through to the fallout zone so this thorn in our side couldn't be allowed to sit there and suppress our advancing troops. I asked the guys around me (one speedballer, an X7 e-trigger and some rentals) to lay down fire on the bunker as I made a mad dash for the window on the left of the bunker. I turned and aimed down and *POP POP* put a round clear into his shoulder after missing the first. I pulled the trigger a third time quickly but got nothing but air... Last two balls and one of'em made a bunkering shot. That being said it still doesn't beat my favourite kill.

My kill of the weekend was on a concealed triggerman preventing my team from advancing down the back boulevard of the back road. He had crawled just far enough into the trees to prevent getting longballed and even getting eyes on him was next to impossible. Suddenly one of the guys sheltering with me in the berm motioned that the shooter was behind some yellow caution tape strung up in a tree. I ran from the berm to the treeline and advanced along it to within about fifteen feet of him. I flagged my wingman back at the berm to lay down three bursts before I planned to make my run. After a lot of shredded paint in the trees around our target I ran up and popped him clean on the mask. His hand went up, he rolled out of the bushes and I was promptly nailed by a Citrus Connection member hiding out way back behind a berm on the opposite side of the road.

Around the Campfire:

I hate to wrap this up but I've dropped enough text on this page as-is. I wish I could've shown you these great moments but I wasn't able to borrow a helmet or barrel cam so I'll have to save up for one or guarantee a loaner for my next deployment.

The Fight for Asylum event was absolutely mindblowing folks. I can't say enough about it but you can be sure I'll make an attempt at summing it all up with tomorrow's article. Until then, to n00bs and pros alike just remember to...